One Plus One Does Not Equal One in Tango! Why Not?
At some point, one may have heard of the saying "one plus one equals one" as a means to summarize relationships, whether that's a partnership, a romantic connection, or a marriage.
This simplistic view, done by way of a straightforward mathematical formula, implies that for a relationship to work, the connection between two individual parties must inevitably result in "oneness," a merging of the physical, mental, emotional, and, in some cases, even the spiritual.
However, as far as relationships go, such a viewpoint often lacks the complexity and sophistication inherent in how human connections function at even the very basic level.
Take tango, for example: in performing this dance, most people often assume that a “one plus one equals one” mindset will work because onlookers only tend to see the dance as a collective movement.
However, this limited perspective fails to break down what makes tango a passionate, mystical experience: that it is a relationship between both leader and follower, each of whom plays a role with such confidence and energy that it requires they remain deeply-rooted in what makes them separate individuals.
The same could be said of relationships: it is doomed to fail if one ends up merely mimicking the other.
In this case, the “dance” is relegated to a mere pantomime. In tango, both participants must have a different set of steps and moves to follow, and it just so happens that each step complements the other. Still, it does not automatically mean that individuality must be eliminated. Tango is, for the lack of a better term, a mutual agreement, a give-and-take conversation whose objective is to empower both participants and elevate their experience into something more than just a momentarily shared encounter.
What sets tango apart from other dance forms is that it is not so much dependent on the partner as it is an exercise in trust — trust in oneself and trust in the one another.
At best, a “one plus one equals one” mindset may perhaps be a negligent, if not altogether naive, estimation of what a relationship entails.
It presupposes that success is based on how similar partners can be when, in fact, a relationship’s success is tied to how both parties manage and respond to shared differences and conflicts.
Even the elements of tango themselves point to synchronicity rooted in having a deep sense of self, or, as the dance progresses, a journey toward it.
Open Plus Close Equals Embrace
When looking at the fundamentals of tango, one of the elements that remains present is the embrace. If taking a mathematical approach, the embrace, then, is a constant value in the equation.
After all, there may be a sundry of tango styles, but el abrazo, or, the embrace, only has two forms: open or closed.
Greta Polo, in her thesis “The Space Between Us: The Experience of Relationship in the Argentine Tango” for the Columbia College - Chicago, describes the two types of embrace as such: “Closed embrace allows for faster footwork and heightened sensitivity to one’s partner, while open embrace allows the space for more individuality, including more turns and embellished footwork (Turner, 2006).”
From a relationship standpoint, the embrace could be likened to the meeting of two people in which they begin to connect by coming together and limiting the “space” between them. It is, in many ways, representative of the intimacy that forms between both individuals as they begin to form a bond. At first, the space may be open, but as the dance progresses, it starts to close, reaching that point of intimacy wherein both dancers are chest to chest, parallel to one another.
Taking off from Polo’s thesis, the embrace can also signify the shifting states the individual must take to make the relationship work. As tango, hardly being a static dance, necessitates movement, relationships must also be fluid to run their course. Both parties, then, cannot be in a closed embrace forever — they must, on occasion, open the embrace and allow themselves to move out of their partner’s axis to make turns and embellish their footwork.
To open the embrace is to allow for breathing room, not only for oneself but also for one’s partner.
Some couples tend to mistake “opening the embrace” in their relationship to mean that they must completely pivot out of the axis they share. Suddenly, the space between them is viewed as something negative. However, every dance, every musical piece, every relationship must have periods of rest, lest both dancers become exhausted and no longer have the energy to match a tempo that demands quicker action.
In partnership and tango, an open embrace extends to but an arm’s length, where either dancer could reach out to their partner and bring them back once more to a closed embrace.
On the other hand,
being in a closed embrace allows a couple to become more attuned to one another.
Here they discover cues and how to adjust, respond, and propose the next move. They become aware of the other as well as themselves.
“Compared with Open Embrace, dancing in Close Embrace is so precise that it forces you to be very aware of your posture.”
As this post from Tango Space suggests, a closed embrace is how a person could achieve self-awareness by adjusting their posture in relation to their partner. Alejandro Gee, a tango teacher, quoted by HuffPost in an article titled “What Argentine Tango Taught Me About Relationships,” writes in his graduate thesis on the effects of tango on mood: "The posture of a person is not just a position that we are supposed to stand/dance in, but also a reflection of who we are. The way we connect or the way we lead or follow are also a perfect reflection of our social, emotional, and mental status."
When viewed in the realm of both partnership and tango, the “posture” then becomes an unraveling of the self that emphasizes the stability of one’s social, emotional, and mental state. Without this stability in oneself and one’s posture, the embrace between partners becomes awkward, resistant, and stiff. The dance — the relationship — thereby loses its magic and becomes nothing more than two people going through the motions.
The Square Root of an Axis
In a relationship and tango, finding balance is also vital.
More often than not, this balance is dependent on the axis, which may be taken separately or shared between both dancers. It is easy to regard the axis as the point upon which the relationship stands, but, on the contrary, it is the point upon which both dancers must keep themselves rooted to move in sync with each other.
Many partners tend to view the axis of their entire relationship simply as revolving around common interests. They share the same hobbies, go to the same events, sometimes even wear the same shirts with the same statement or color. Some couples even share similar friend groups, and others work in the same industry or are colleagues at work. Pictures on social media are a testament to this popular notion that happy couples must have one axis and must think in terms of “one plus one equals one.”
While sharing common interests is not entirely a bad thing, the reality is that two people coming together will always have differences simply because they are not raised in the same environment and do not hold the exact same beliefs, no matter how similar these may be. Differences, big or small, will still arise. If one party becomes too dependent on the other or always gives in to compromises, then it is not balance that is achieved, but quite the opposite as one axis is made to tilt too much toward one direction. Even from a cosmic perspective, a slight axial tilt in the Earth results in harsher winters and merciless summers — imagine what it could do to a relationship.
Some couples might not notice it, but this tilt may manifest itself when one or the other unwittingly tries to get their partner to do things the way they would do it themselves. Worse is when they try to get their partner to think the way they would.
This is not a “common interest” or an agreement, as many may mistakenly think, but a way in which one party exercises dominance over the other by making them believe, deliberately or otherwise, that they agree with each other. This then leads to an imbalance wherein one action is dependent upon the validation of the other.
The article from Huffpost titled “What Argentine Tango Taught Me About Relationships” further explains the paradoxical nature of tango and how one must have a solid axis to make the dance work:
“The beautiful paradox of tango is you have two people who are leaning in toward each other, absolutely connected, exchanging energy through a chest-to-chest heart connection in an abrazo (hug), but each one of them should be so solid in their axis that if the other person disappears he or she does not fall down.
He or she stays standing because she is rooted in her axis. When you and your partner have both the connection to each other and the connection to their own bodies in their own axis, you have magic.”
Connection to the Second Power
Traditionally, men take the “leader” role in tango while women take on the “follower” role.
However, as in marriage and tango or any kind of partnership and tango, the leader and follower roles do not rely solely on gender.
In fact, the embrace in tango itself is a good indicator of the equality that ought to be shared between both partners: in an abrazo, both dancers are leaning chest-to-chest, equally connected to the heart, and the posture that they must maintain should be equally confident so that they are rooted in their own axis while being capable of intricate movements. Simply put, they are on equal footing.
Couples should not only have the willingness to take the lead or to follow, but they must also acknowledge their connection by exchanging energies and letting the other take on the opposite role when necessary. This is when being attuned to one’s partner becomes important as sensitivity to their cues will let one party know when they should step back and follow, or step forward and take the lead. Just like in tango, the cues in a relationship may not always be verbally stated but become apparent through actions, subtle as they may be. It is up to both parties to heed these cues and step accordingly.
When assuming the leader role, the exercise of force is anathema to what tango espouses. While violent passions are exercised in the dance, force itself is not how this passion is displayed. Gary Diggs, a tango teacher at MIT, gives an insightful explanation of the leader’s role in his Tango Class IV Notes:
The leader, in giving a lead, merely indicates what the follower is to execute; he doesn't do it for her or force her in any way. The (slightly weighted) connection not only permits the leader knowledge of the follower's state in terms of axis, balance, motion, etc, but also gives similar information to the follower about what the leader is up to.
“Again, the follower is not a mere prop; the dance is a (two way) conversation, not a monologue.”
Similarly, in a relationship, the leader must not confuse their role for the dictator as they are, in many ways, simply the guide, the navigator. To lead in both tango and relationships means having a clear awareness of the follower’s state and willingness, and the direction in which their individual and shared axis should shift. At the same time, the follower should not mistake their role as a means to be passive, but one that supports the leader as the dance progresses.
The power dynamics exchanged in both partnerships and tango should be the result of connecting, listening, identifying cues, and having a two-way conversation that extends beyond words.
A Complex Formula
Relationships are often rife with intricacies and nuances that arise from a host of factors that can hardly be summed up by a simple mathematical equation like “one plus one equals one.” It is doubtful that even a complex formula would succeed in coming close to figuring out the one element that tends to complicate any and all relationships: human nature.
And while humanity is a shared consciousness, it is individuality that makes one human, and sharing a dance, a relationship, or a life with someone cannot and should not eliminate that individuality. If anything,
sharing a relationship with someone should lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of that individuality, much in the same way that tango is, in many respects, a journey toward intimacy between oneself and, eventually, others.